I have decided to read (and study/process) two books simultaneously this month — one by the queen of self-help/self-love practices, a familiar name in my book collection, verses a new household name for me who’s subtitle reads “escaping the toxic culture of self-love”. This will be the first of many posts as I read through these two books:
I have read (and enjoyed) Hollis’s past books: Girl, Wash Your Face and Girl, Stop Apologizing. Her humor and life stories draw me in while her spunk, drive and passion keep me intrigued. I relate to her strength. She has built a successful career off that drive and relentless work ethic. Although, I had many conversations with other Christians on the controversy that came after the release of her bestseller, Girl, Wash Your Face. Hollis speaks on her faith, yet her inspiration and encouragement for her readers derives from self-motivation and strength.
I do see and acknowledge that I have grown up in a “me” generation …
Hey, kids!
Spelling is fun!
Girl, there ain’t no I in “team”
But you know there is a “me”
Strike the band up, one, two, three
I promise that you’ll never find another like me
Girl, there ain’t no I in “team”
But you know there is a “me”
And you can’t spell “awesome” without “me”
I promise that you’ll never find another like-T. Swift
…which can be quite toxic. In Stuckey’s introduction of her book You’re Not Enough she writes, “We are keenly focused on ourselves and our needs. We spend hours studying our signs and personality types in an effort to gain the self-understanding we hope will bring us guidance and inner peace.” She is open about how she finds it extremely dangerous that we are told “we are enough” and that this idea, if we believe it, will bring us that sought after life-happiness when studies have shown, in fact, we (Americans of this generation) are less happier than ever!
I am following with her logic, but I haven’t been pulled to the complete opposite side of hating the self-help/self-love movement yet either. I haven’t finished her book yet! My friend, Nathalie, reached out to ask if I would read Stuckey’s book with her (which would also give us an excuse to have a mom’s night every once in a while drinking wine and discussing the book). Of course, I said yes! I was also intrigued by the title. I have enjoyed Hollis’s books, but I was always left with wanting something more. The “high” that comes with the self-love encouragement dies pretty quickly leaving that void once more. This is a concept Stuckey hits on in her introduction.
Stuckey writes, “Facing our inadequacies is crucial for appropriate development.” Hollis writes in her most recent book, “I will not —not ever again in my life — cover up my pain to make other people more comfortable.” I believe both of these women are very real and honest. I don’t think either would disagree with the other’s statement and while both are open about their faith, I wonder where they will pull their motivation and how they seek to encourage their readers in these two books. Again, in the past, Hollis writes her encouragement by lifting up through self-strength, self-love and self-care.
Rachel Hollis’s new book, Didn’t See That Coming was written during quarantine, but edited during the fall of her marriage.
Allie Beth Stuckey’s book, You’re Not Enough (and That’s Okay) gives us an alternative — actually complete contrast — to the self-love culture.
Join me this month, as I read through these two books and share my perspective here on my blog. I know we (as believers) are told that the self-love (self-help) movement is bad and that we shouldn’t listen to those self-helpers, but maybe we can find a happy medium and learn to discern what’s best for our lives with the wisdom God has equipped us. Yes, let’s get up and wash our faces, but know what (and Who) sustains us!
Paul says in the book of Romans,
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh. – Romans 8:1-3
No amount of self-help, self-love, self-whatever will equate to how much love and help our Lord can offer us. We actually couldn’t do it so God sent his son to do that which we couldn’t.
Some say, “Don’t ask for help
God helps the ones who help themselves
Press on, get it right
Otherwise, get left behind”
Some say, He’s keeping score
So try hard, then try and lean on Lord
Hold up, if this weren’t true
Explain to me what the cross is forWhat if I were the one to tell you
That the fight’s already been won?
Well, I think your day’s about to get better
What if I were the one to tell you
That the work’s already been done?
It’s now a good news
It’s the best news ever
Best news ever-MercyMe Best News Ever