Have you heard of her? That girl there once was. She was bright-eyed and full of life. You know, that girl you saw walking home from school just to throw off her backpack and run back outside to meet her best friend in the woods across the street. No, not to be lost forever, but to find wonder and excitement. Together they would spend the rest of daylight making forts, riding bikes, trying to catch all the animals and then lie down, worn out in the leaves looking up at the amazing, blue and white-streaked sky. Not a care in the world, you say? Not an awareness of sadness yet — but was there a wondering or need for this Protector you talk about? When did her first glimpse of sadness come, I ponder? When she had to move away from her best friend to a new school, state and essentially start over in life? Maybe when she faced her first disappointment or that first rejection? I bet it was that first time she didn’t make her school’s team. No worries, though, all this heartbreak only prepared her for the success, popularity and talent she would find later in life, right? Nah, I bet all that was just a tease before she succumbed to the loneliness, bitterness and cold heart that came from years of death, hatred and infidelity close to home. But why? Who is this Protector you talk about? Where is He now? Maybe holding that starving baby in the trash of the streets of Kibera? I bet He is feeling the wind in his hair on a fast boat off the coast of Napoli with that beautiful, sun-kissed family. No, I’m sure your Protector doesn’t enjoy life. He is probably staring at the mother who just lost another child due to her broke, drunk, piece of shit husband that she once had all her hope in just to be left broke, drunk and childless. Is that where your Protector is now?
Have you heard of her? That girl there once was. Is she gone? Nowhere to be found, you say? Well maybe one day we will find her walking hand in hand with your Protector through the sky beyond all this reality that we have made. Is He good? Show me, because where is she now?
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In times of sorrow we have to try really hard to find the good, friends. I know you have seen so much sorrow. I know this because I have too. Why are we here and what has come of us? Does any of this even matter? I don’t know. I don’t have the answers. I do know that we can get trapped in lies — trapped in the negative, poor me, what has happened to my life posture of the heart. I know this because I have been trapped there. Although, at the end of the day, I will (need to!) lay my head down and say, “Protector, I am yours. I have nothing left, but I know you are good.”
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“Who is this Protector you talk about?” He is my God, my friends. Ask me about him. I have felt it too, that loneliness and bitterness, but I will tell you about him and show you what he has done for me.
Everyday, Lord, help me to remember Hebrews 12:15, because you know everyday, I need it.
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:15
But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one. 2 Thessalonians 3:3
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6
Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Proverbs 2:11
I love you, friends — Kristina