Imperfect people cannot reach perfection and unbalanced people cannot reach balance so let’s just turn our focus to the One who is and has!
Early in my adult career-life I often heard, you need to find a work-life balance. When I started having kids, it was a work-mom life balance and when we set out to adopt three more kids it was “you should stay home” balance (not sure that is really a balance people!). I heard it so much I just accepted that as truth—that there is a perfect balance in life we should all reach. When I am at work, I am at work and when I am at home, I am at home. OK, all you moms and dads out there who are in ministry raise your hand! You know this is NOT a realistic or sustainable thing. What is balance anyways? Are we even capable of achieving complete balance? Growing up as a gymnast, I could never master the balance beam. I’d put one pointed toe out in front of me and lean forward to do a cartwheel, hands down, back leg up and over. I gave it all I got, but I always just slid right off the side missing the mark. The fear of falling off made me overcompensate my reach. Missing each time kept me from achieving anything more difficult than a cartwheel on that stupid balance beam. It wasn’t until I heard someone describe it as more of an ebb-n-flow, that I started to challenge the notion of balance. Life is all over the place, friends! Today might call for more attention at work, but yesterday your sick kiddo needed more of your attention at home. The scale always seems to lean to one side or another.
Right now, it seems, as a culture we are searching for that perfect balance, though, and holding all people to that standard of excellence. Obviously in everyone’s eyes we are falling and missing the mark, even in our own eyes, because that perfect balance is frankly unachievable. One of the biggest scales we are wobbling on these days is one holding truth and love. We have created a scale, trying to obtain that perfect balance of peace and it is simply highlighting the one big problem—that of a fallen world. The result is more division and conflict—internally and externally. Instead of seeing truth go with love, it is truth vs. love and we are struggling to meet in the middle. At least, I know I am, trying to hold close to the Biblical standard of truth which includes following God’s command to love one another. Again, we are seeing “love” go up against “truth” or what our culture says is “love” and “truth.” When the pendulum swings far heavier toward “love,” we start to negate the idea of “truth.” I believe we are all overcompensating and missing the mark no matter what side we are on. Overcompensation can be a result of extreme fear and both sides are feeling that fear right now. Those embracing only the love movement, are tragically building a defense on anyone trying to pull that pendulum back closer to the middle ground, seeing them as haters, insensitive, or even extremists. Those in our culture leaning heavy “truth” combat with saying the “lovers” are not credible, trustworthy nor educated.
When my daughter was in kindergarten, I will never forget the day she came home crying because she found out she was short. At school, they had done an activity where she and her classmates all went around the room and filled out an application worksheet. The worksheet was divided in half—one side labeled, “I am taller than…” and the other side labeled, “I am shorter than…”. She walked inside the house that day, unzipped her backpack, pulled out her folder and removed a sheet that revealed the truth.
The left side of the paper was blank while the other side overflowed with names. I remember seeing the disappointment in her eyes as she told me no one in her class was shorter than she! My daughter came to the realization that day that she was, in fact, short. I had posted an Instagram story that night saying “And so it begins…” with the hashtag #lifeofashorty. Her sweet teacher had drawn a blue smiley face in the corner of the left box, I assume to give Charlee some encouragement. I received a DM that night from her saying, “Story of my life!!! But I didn’t think about it being an activity that would hurt their feelings. I hope she wasn’t upset.” You see, growing up that was my truth as well. I was always picked on for being short with the nicknames following me all the way through my school career. I eventually learned to embrace it, but at first I didn’t like the negative attention. I never wear heels. I embraced it so much that wearing heels makes me feel like I am someone I am not. Yes, it was upsetting to Charlee, but she had to find out the truth at some point. I wrote her teacher back saying, “Better to learn early she’s short.”
That day I had to sit Charlee down and explain that she may never be tall. I am short, my mom on good days clears 5 feet and my dad is only 5’6″. Her only hope is Matt, being 6 feet tall. I told her this is how God made her and nothing will change how tall (or how short) she will be. I emphasized how much I loved her just the way she is and delivered the news with as much sympathy as I had that day, but still nothing would change the truth about her height. I didn’t want to lie and say how she will grow up to be tall because the odds were not in her favor. Even though I delivered the truth in love she still took it with sadness and a bit of disbelief. Why was she so upset about being short? Did someone tell her that being short was wrong or was it because it made her feel different? That line down the middle separated her from all her classmates that day.
I know the truths we are divided on are so much bigger than whether my daughter is short or tall, but it is a clear example of how something as simple as that has the power to bring hurt and division. Hearing the truth is not always fun. Understanding the truth is not always what we want it to be. Truth will sometimes bring sadness and most likely cause a divide among us as it did for her that day.
My religious affiliation is Christian. My political affiliation is Republican. In my 20s, I was a Democrat. In my teens, I had no idea what either actually meant. My moral views on sanctity of life, traditional heterosexual biblical views on marriage, gender born identification, social justice, standing up against oppression, etc. hasn’t changed, but because of the world we live in right now I am having to pick a side dividing me from those I love and care about! By trying to force a balance we are actually causing a much bigger divide and making more secluded ends. What happened to the idea of ebb-n-flow? As my past describes, my pendulum weighs heavier on whatever issue is more prevalent and where I think my voice is most needed. At different points/circumstances in my life, I gain a different perspective moving about the scale. That day at the capitol, January 6, 2021, will go down in history as the Siege of the United States Capitol. I, as a person—neither red or blue, black or white, Christian or non—cried out for peace that day. Yet, my cry for peace, brought tears, an emotion of being unworthy to stand for peace because of the side I have been placed on.
January 7, 2021, the day after the riots, I shared this on my Instagram story:
“It is better to be divided by truth than to be united in error. It is better to speak the truth that hurts and then heals, than falsehood that comforts and then kills. It is better to be hated for telling the truth than to be loved for telling a lie.” – Adrian Rogers.
What message was I sending by sharing that? What was I standing up for? I cried out for love the day before, but I felt a ting in my soul to still stand up for truth, but what truth??! I had a friend DM me in response to Dr. Rogers quote, saying one of the verses he loves about Christ is found in John 1:17,
For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.”
My friend finished by saying how he loves truth but only when mixed with Grace. I didn’t respond because simply, I agree! Again, here we see a quote that in my friend’s eyes (I am assuming) leaned heavily on the truth side, lacking the grace and love part of it. We see here a standard of balance being set forth by my friend and in his mind one that is off on the scale of truth vs. grace. Because Dr. Rogers was talking about truth some of his readers decided he was negating grace. How did I read it? Dr. Rogers was saying that it is better to lean truth when it is backed up against error — this scale — one of truth vs. error not truth vs. grace. This quote is an opinion piece made by a believer yet still falling short of that complete and perfect picture of balance we all want. Where is the balance? What is being weighed? We missed the mark again.
What am I saying? Am I supporting flip floppers, bandwagon fans, or whatever label you want to insert here? Am I saying that balance is unobtainable so we should just accept the division?
No, I am saying we are not Jesus. None of us have it all together and if we start to see the world through that lens we might stop trying to achieve perfection and just lean on the One who is perfect! Being able to adhere to a perfect balance of all things is impossible. To put ourselves up on the scale and try to obtain balance, we will always miss the mark. That perfect, unconditional love we get from our Father we are incapable of giving. I am filled with anxiety every time I have a conversation on love and grace and truth. Of course, I want to love like Christ. Of course, I want to be held accountable and hold my family accountable to the standards of truth God has set. The past has shown that I can not perfectly love and discipline at the same time —my kids will flip their lids most of the time I am disciplining them for an error because it’s human nature. When I look at it through that lens, I become extremely jealous of the moms who portray they can discipline in that nice calm voice and their children just automatically obey. The Bible says truth IN love so because I haven’t been able to sustain that it must mean I am a failure. No! Friends, enter GRACE — we as humans are incapable of perfect balance — Friends, enter JESUS.
Christ was disciplined, biblically and historically educated, unbending in his standards yet the definition of unconditional love. He was able to give unconditional love and adhere to all the disciplines set forth by the Father. He came as man, but did not sin.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin,” Hebrews 4:15.
We are called to speak truth in love, but don’t miss this next part:
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,” Ephesians 4:15.
Grow up into Christ! We see an on-going action here. We are not there yet. We will mess up along the way. When we try on our own the balance falls to one side or the other. This imbalance either way — too much truth or love — causes toxicity. As long as the earth groans, we will be out of whack, so cut yourself some slack (and your friends).
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. (…) For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience,” Romans 8:18-25.
To set a standard of excellence for imperfect people, we are setting ourselves up for failure, conflict and division. This is why we need Jesus!
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit,” Romans 8:1-4.
As seen in Romans, we wait for it with patience and described in Ephesians we continue on this on-going path to “grow up in every way.” You know what I love about my sweet Mia? As she gets older, I am starting to see her perspective on life is full of color. All things are beautiful and intriguing to her.
Her lack of fear or ability to discern danger is very unnerving at times, but she has that unique love that is not blinded by fear. She is also ambidextrous—she writes and draws with both hands. It just depends on the day and whatever hand she feels like using. I have read a few studies that have found children with Down syndrome early in life tend to be mix-handed. This could be weak hand preference due to low tone and could be linked to language deficits. However, I like to say, it’s because the light shines brighter on one side that day and, be it for her, not to cover it up. She is growing up, changing each day and learning to let the light be her guide albeit making mistakes along the way.
So that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes,” Ephesians 4:14.
Until that day of perfect unity and balance, we will continue along this journey of ebb-and-flow. Let’s just let the light shine where it may each day and not stand in His way. Invite the light in and ask for help as we get closer to the balance of life. I can’t speak or change others, but I can change me.
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin,” 1 John 1:7.
Until the day Jesus returns again and we are all made whole, only then will we be able to achieve the ultimate balance and obtain complete unity. So for now I leave you with a prayer from Paul,
And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God,” Philippians 1:8-11 (emphasis added).
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