Recently, God reminded me of a very important aspect of His goodness during a moment of frantic searching for peace. Our family has been through quite a lot lately —maybe one day I can elaborate, but for today it is our story to keep. I sat down and opened my Bible, not knowing where to even turn. So, I just continued where I had left off last time—in John. You see, the last couple times I have received traumatic news, my first reaction has always been anger and specifically toward God. I pray all day/everyday it feels like and for very specific things. When I was pregnant with Mia (not knowing she had Down syndrome yet), I prayed everyday specifically that my baby would be healthy and free of physical, mental and emotional disabilities. I am not sure why I had this fear in the first place, but that was a prayer I said every night. You can imagine my confusion, after my everyday obedience to the Lord in prayer, when we found out Mia had a chromosomal disability. Most recently, we had an incident that threatened the safety of our home and family. My ability as a good mother was heavily under scrutiny by outsiders. It didn’t matter how many years I chose to breastfeed my babies, how diligent I was in feeding healthy and organic foods to them as babies, how much research and time I put into the best medical care for my kids or how much I have sacrificed for my kids. No! All that matter, was the ONE THING I had failed in doing. An everyday prayer of mine is for God to keep our house safe from x,y,z and z happened. Again, you can imagine my extreme ptsd with Mia’s news resurfacing and the anger that came along with it. Why did you ignore my prayers, Father?! How could you do this to our family?!
Friends, He didn’t leave me hanging. He answered me. After all my crying and harsh words I threw around, God was still patient with me and gave me the clear answer I needed. My answer was found in John 12:27-28 when Jesus also cried out to the Lord,
“Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. Father, glorify your name.” Then a voice came from heaven: “I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.”
It wasn’t that God was ignoring me or not taking care of me or not staying true to His goodness. It was that I have been praying all wrong. I have been asking, “Father, save me from this.” Instead, I should be saying, “NO! Father, glorify YOUR name THROUGH this!” We will always have problems in this life. He never said we wouldn’t, but what he did promise in Romans 8:28 is still true and I will hold this close to my heart everyday,
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
The things I go through in my life are the very essence and purpose I have come to this world (vs. 27b). If I have this lens of wisdom and walk through every circumstance that comes my way with the knowledge that His name can be glorified through my struggles, then that peace will transform my life and can transform YOURS!
But for this PURPOSE… May God be the glory, my friends! No matter how crazy life gets, please remember to smile each day.
I love you all, Kristina.
Brian Youngs says
I loved your message and what passages you took away. I also struggle with prayer and have had help from pastor Jessica. Thank you for sharing
Leanne Brooks says
Kristina, Very beautifully said, keep sharing you are a gift!