My Personal Reflections from Waiting on God, by Charles F. Stanley
Let me be honest here for a minute, never on my own would I have picked up this book to read. The cover is boring and, no offense to Mr. Stanley, but why put an old man’s face on the cover? I have no idea why I picked it up. Scratch that, I believe wholeheartedly it was the Lord. We have had this book on a shelf downstairs for years—a shelf that we never look at, but for some reason I was looking for direction and peace the day I decided to go grab a book. Matt had purchased it after Mia was born, but he never really read it. I don’t mean to sound corny, but it rings so true…don’t judge a book by the cover!! God spoke to me very loud and clear throughout these 207 pages, many times I felt I almost heard Him audibly.
Although this was an easy read, it took me several months to complete. Again, I credit this to God’s timing. From the time I picked up this book to the time I finished reading it my life had changed dramatically. I went from a full-time Associate Director, to pursuing a senior level job that I did not get, then quitting my job, traveling to Italy with my parents and sisters (with no job, I add) and within a couple weeks of finishing the book we got the news that our adoption was approved for finalization in Belize. God met me at each stage in my joys, my disappointments, my waiting, my anxiety and my reflections. There are seven chapters in this book. I did not record the date on all my reflections, but the ones I did, I have included. The last two chapters I pretty much faded out, but I was in a dark space and so confused. We were waiting on life-changing news, but at the same time, I was struggling with my own self-identity.
This is more of a walk through my reflections, than a book review. I had some pretty raw moments throughout this book and after many back and forth arguments with God on whether to share, I have chosen to walk back through it with you. After each chapter, Stanley included a prayer and a Points for Active Waiting section followed by a couple blank lined pages for you to respond, write prayer requests and reflect on the chapter. I have prayed for direction on each post in this blog. I am not sure why or for whom this is for, but I am going to abide in writing it. I will record my reflections that I wrote after each chapter here for you. Some of my thoughts are all over the place, but this is how I journal—well basically live my life! My mind races from one thing to another and I write it all down as I go. This is why you will see random verses throughout. I write them down as they come to me.
Chapter 1: How Long, O Lord? A Look at the Long Road
My reflection –
I have identified three major points in my life within the past three years where I can say I was or am in “waiting”: Mia’s diagnosis, our adoption and this new job opportunity.My TRUST was definitely strengthened during Mia’s birth and waiting of her diagnosis. I had to really lean into God and recite the words from Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
As well as 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Be joyful always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” The reminder to give thanks is the most difficult in times of grief and to help myself remember I had a friend come paint it on my wall!
My FAITH was definitely strengthened in this waiting of the adoption. We have waited so long, two and half years long! I believe the one point that sticks out to me the most is His value of timing. He knows the perfect day, time and season they will come home – we do not. He sees the whole picture and each setback has a purpose.
Lastly, this new job, God is refocusing my MOTIVES and DESIRES in this time of interviewing and waiting. How can I change the I want, I want, I want into I serve, I serve, I serve? How can I bring glory to God during this time of waiting? This job is not about what I can do BUT more what God can do through me. I am continuing to learn how to not let my anxiety overwhelm and cripple me.
I know you are good, God. I know your ways are the best. Help me to lean into you more everyday!
Chapter 2: Assured in God’s Character, The Wisdom of Directing Your Focus to Him
My reflection –
“Now you may ask for something that – for reasons known only to Him – is less than ideal for you,” page 54.
“He wants you to have a blessing that is far better,” page 54.
“I will not be put to shame,” page 56. (Prayer)
“Even when You direct me away from something I think I want desperately, I thank You, knowing You are protecting me and leading me to an ever greater blessing,” page 56. (Prayer)
I feel as if you are preparing me for this loss of job. I know if I don’t get it, you have other plans, but it still makes me angry and hurt. To sit here while “being prepared” for this loss doesn’t give me much hope or joy in this waiting process. I have wanted to excel in my career for years. I am capable. I don’t understand why I have been stuck working in this position while someone is benefitting from my hard work. It is so frustrating! You are just preparing me to be more disappointed! I have had 6 years of being disappointed in my job!
Lord Jesus, I pray this is not a foreshadowing of a loss in job opportunity. I know you can use me in this new position. Bless me and my family through this.
Friends – again I was in a hard season during this reflection. I didn’t want to remove anything from my original writings because it is my real and raw heart at the time. Through all my “yelling” and frustration with God, I came out knowing that He still loves me! I wrote in various places all over the page, “He is all LOVING.” “He is omniscient (all-knowing).” “He is omnipresent (everywhere in love).” “He is omnipotent (all-powerful).” I was reminding myself of His goodness.
I believe God always answers our prayers. It’s not always what we want at the time, but He answers. At the bottom of this reflection page I wrote:
Mia’s diagnosis – prayers answered – no.
Adoption – prayers answered – not yet.
This job – prayers answered – wait.
I felt as if I was in a season of “no’s” and the blessings I had were being covered up by my anxiety and fear. Those of you who struggle with anxiety know just how easy it is to be drowning when all a bystander sees is your ocean of blessings. NEVER will I say, “but you have so much to be thankful for” in a time of your high anxiety because I GET IT!
Chapter 3: Surrendering your Focus, Identifying the Idols that Impede Your Faith
My reflection (July 1, 2019) –
My strongholds =
WORRY – (he brought vs 19 of Mark 4 to my attention)
MY OWN UNDERSTANDING – “do not lean on your own understanding”
CONTROL – I have been trying to rationalize, ask questions, track down answers pertaining to this job when the answers I have found only cause more pain and worry in this process.
JEALOUSY – I found out who I am up against and I have obsessed over “the position” of the other internal candidate.
PRIDE – I have tried to compare and place myself and the other final candidate on a scale, weighing my strengths to hers.
ANGER -I have become so mad at God for “preparing me for the no” that I haven’t seen Him working in my heart. He is telling me to trust Him over and over again, but I am not listening.
Heavenly Father, I lift all these things up to you. I hand over my worry, my own understanding, control, jealousy, pride and anger. Take these away and help me enjoy the process.
When I was reading Chapter 3, God put a number of verses on my heart that I have listed below:
Mark 4:19, “But the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it proves unfruitful.”
Proverbs 3:5-6, “do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
Daniel 3:18, “But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.”
Deuteronomy 8:2, “And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not.”
Romans 8:28, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
I rewrote a whole section of this chapter in my notes after Chapter 3 (although it is actually in Chapter 4) because I was so moved by it. I added my “waiting” situations in parenthesis.
From page 104, Chapter 4, Waiting on God:
“I pray you are beginning to see the awesome pattern that arises. God wants you to seek Him, so He allows a need or yearning to surface (this new job opportunity). You perceive that necessity and pursue His guidance. He delays in His answer (weeks of waiting and interviewing) so your search for Him will intensify and will depend on Him more fully (through days of prayer and fasting for discernment). Eventually, He becomes more important to you than the original need – which signifies an important change in the focus of your heart. Finally, He satisfies your longing in a way more wonderful than you could have imagined Eph. 3:20 – and perhaps far different from how you expected (insert here how He did so…______________________________________________________) – and by doing so, He reveals Himself to you powerfully. He does all of this to deepen your relationship with Him and develop your capacity to know Him.”
*I left a blank to come back and fill it in. It is still blank and I am still trying to see what it is that “He satisfies your longing in a way more wonderful than you could have imagined.” What I can tell you is, I have come a long way from that day – July 1, 2019 – and learned so much about who I am in Christ.
I had been in Belize for a few days for work while reading Chapter 3 and parts of Chapter 4. I remember being on my knees in my bunk room crying out to God for peace, clarity and an end to my waiting for an answer to this job opportunity. I clearly heard Him say, “Prepare for a NO”. God gave me an answer then, but when I returned home I had a meeting scheduled on July 2nd, where I received my official “no”.
Chapter 4: Discerning God’s Will, Finding Purpose in the Uncertainty
My reflection (August 6, 2019) –
Ways God was talking to me through this job process: I kept hearing the message, “prepare for a no”. My spirit questioned the job as much as I desired the job. I felt as if I had rushed into applying for it.
I was/I am so angry. I know the “no” came from you. I heard it from you very clearly. But why? In a time of loss, why should I rejoice? “Rejoice with those who rejoice,” Romans 12:15. This is empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of another- not just those of sorrow and sympathy, but of joy and happiness. “Live at peace with everyone,” Romans 12:18.
Philippians 2:13 NIV says, “for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” In the state I am in, I first sneered at that verse when reading it in this chapter on page 108. So all He does is for His good purpose? Where do my wants and good pleasure fit? I am being selfish, but I am also seeing him as a selfish God.
BUT..in the same sitting, He led me to this verse, “I cry out to God most high, to God who fulfills his purpose for ME (emphasis mine) Psalms 57:2. He fulfills His purpose for ME! We wait and act for His good purpose, but he fulfills it for us.
Thank you, God, for letting me sit in my sadness, explore my anger, and work through it. And when I asked for you to soften my heart, you lead me to two verses I needed to hear together. I don’t know why (yet) I didn’t get that job and I am still upset, but I know it was for your good and my good as well. Help me to remember that and move forward believing that. Amen!
Romans 12:15 is not mentioned in Chapter 4, I was led there after reading Romans 8:28 which is discussed. This chapter asks the question, how do we know what God wants us to do with our life? Through discerning His good purpose, I was also challenged with facing my feelings toward the employee who received the job. Romans 12:15 says, rejoice with those who rejoice. I remember thinking, God is telling me to REJOICE for the one who received the job! How could I rejoice for her when I was in so much grief over the loss. It is funny how God will lead and direct your quiet times with Him if you let him!
Chapter 5: Claiming God’s Promises, Actively Expressing Faith in the Delays
My reflection –
My struggles: I am sad all the time. I am not at peace. I hate my job. Our car broke down. We want our kids home. My dog died. I lost a job opportunity. We haven’t tithed, I feel bad. My soul is restless.
This next part in my reflection I wrestled with my current job and why I felt I was being led to leave it. I wrote, Why do you want to leave your job? I did omit this part. I lamented over my job. I said some pretty harsh things about someone that I do want to keep private.
My reflection continued –
What is the pattern in the past for me? I make quick, fast decisions. I get in over my head and make a mess of things. When I choose a decision, I don’t turn back. I don’t usually consult God. I get angry and upset. I search for jobs. I reach out before prayer. I say yes to an interview without praying. I don’t want to quit my job because of my past reactions, but I do feel this is the right decision. I am now confused, frustrated and irritated.
Chapter 6: Staying on Track When the View Becomes Dark, Surviving the Wait with Courage
My reflection –
“Do we sincerely have confidence He will work this situation out for our good?” Reasons I learned why God allows us to experience seasons of darkness: #1 To mature and establish our TRUST, #2 To prepare us. #3 So that others can witness this work through us. #4 To raise us up and place us in a position to bless others. #5 Finally to change our perspective.
This was a very short reflection, but between chapter 5 when I was struggling in my decision to quit my current job and here in chapter 6, I moved forward in quitting. I kept thinking I don’t want to bring these kiddos home without facing my mental stability. I needed to cut out the things that were causing me stress, anxiety and sadness.
Chapter 7: The Joy of Waiting, Reaping the Rewards
My reflection –
Coming home from Italy everything came crushing down harder. What am I supposed to do? Where do I go from here? My work has always been my identity. Now I don’t know who I am and I have no direction. However, I recall two recent days from Jesus Calling in this time of suffering. On September 17th, I read, “You will not find my peace by engaging in excessive planning. (…) I did not design the human mind to figure out the future.” “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time,” 1 Peter 5:6.
Also, on September 22nd, “Trust me and refuse to worry. Looking at difficult times looming ahead (…) leave them in the future and come home to the present.”
The next several months after finishing were absolutely insane for our family, but I believe reading this book helped prepare the way for me to tackle all the hard times. I quit focusing on me and my wants and refocused to our family and our needs. I do think back to the way it all happened and I still have a lot of feelings to process through, but I know I needed to be home during this transition time and I believe God will slowly open doors for my career again.
I highly recommend this book to all, not just those in “waiting”! This is life and we will all go through hard times. Charles Stanley’s Waiting on God gives us ways to refocus our sight on Christ and walk through the mess with help. AMEN!