Every Spring, I watch as my backyard transforms into a sea of green. During the winter time, I can see to the back edge of our property across the lake, but come spring and summer I can barely get a glimpse of the water. I love springtime. It is my favorite season of the year — baseball, warm weather, all the colors of the flowers! We have this giant white oak in our yard that sits right off center from our back porch. I wait all year to see her bloom and every year she is the last one to do so (this year specifically on April 10th). It’s like she has to make a beautiful entrance just to show off her grandness. That oak is by far the largest tree in our yard! I wonder every once in a while when she will fall because when she does, she will make quite the noise.
There is a story in the Old Testament that has never caught my attention until today. Most of the time I would just read a passage like that, think to myself how strange and then move on. This morning, honestly I was fixated on my oak tree, but had no idea why. God led me to these verses so I took a moment to slow down and think about what He was trying to tell me. There is a recounting of King Nebuchadnezzar’s dream of a tree. It is not just a strange story of a dream and a man’s fall and rise back to power, but rather a look into King Nebuchadnezzar’s psychiatric breakdown and battle with a mental illness, battle with life and humility and a battle with God. If we study this passage, we see a deeper look into his suffering and what caused it. The king had power, money…prosperity! All these things, if not carefully guided by God, will lead to destruction as we see here with the king in Daniel 4.
We are told that King Nebuchadnezzar was in his palace when he had a dream that made him afraid. Because I am not better, obviously then the writers of the Bible, I am not going to try to summarize it.
These are the visions I saw while lying in bed: I looked, and there before me stood a tree in the middle of the land. Its height was enormous.The tree grew large and strong and its top touched the sky; it was visible to the ends of the earth. Its leaves were beautiful, its fruit abundant, and on it was food for all. Under it the wild animals found shelter, and the birds lived in its branches; from it every creature was fed.
“In the visions I saw while lying in bed, I looked, and there before me was a holy one, a messenger, coming down from heaven. He called in a loud voice: ‘Cut down the tree and trim off its branches; strip off its leaves and scatter its fruit. Let the animals flee from under it and the birds from its branches. But let the stump and its roots, bound with iron and bronze, remain in the ground, in the grass of the field.
“‘Let him be drenched with the dew of heaven, and let him live with the animals among the plants of the earth. Let his mind be changed from that of a man and let him be given the mind of an animal, till seven times pass by for him.
Daniel 4:10-16
He called all the wise men of Babylon to come and interpret the dream and out of all only Daniel was the one who could.
Your Majesty, you are that tree! You have become great and strong; your greatness has grown until it reaches the sky, and your dominion extends to distant parts of the earth.
“Your Majesty saw a holy one, a messenger, coming down from heaven and saying, ‘Cut down the tree and destroy it, but leave the stump, bound with iron and bronze, in the grass of the field, while its roots remain in the ground. Let him be drenched with the dew of heaven; let him live with the wild animals, until seven times pass by for him.’
“This is the interpretation, Your Majesty, and this is the decree the Most High has issued against my lord the king: You will be driven away from people and will live with the wild animals; you will eat grass like the ox and be drenched with the dew of heaven. Seven times will pass by for you until you acknowledge that the Most High is sovereign over all kingdoms on earth and gives them to anyone he wishes. The command to leave the stump of the tree with its roots means that your kingdom will be restored to you when you acknowledge that Heaven rules.
Daniel 4:22-26
And just as Daniel said, the king literally experienced this fall. My Bible has a study guide insert that suggests his illness may have been named zoanthropy, which is a psychiatric disorder in which the victim believes he is an animal and may attempt to eat grass or mimic other animal behaviors. I wouldn’t have read it so literally if it weren’t for that insert.
I want to be completely honest. When I think of mental illness, I think of weakness and I am anything but weak. I am not of the generation where they would say, “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” but I was very much brought up this way. I had a session one time with my counselor on this very topic. I sat down on her couch, looked at her and sighed. I was still struggling at home with my oldest daughter. All her whining and complaining, lying around the house doing nothing, no motivation to get up and get moving was just pushing me over the edge. I was frankly disgusted by her laziness. My counselor told me to vocalize something positive about her. I sat there for a minute until I said, she is always the first to say good night even if we haven’t spoken more than 2 words to each other that day. There it was. She then said something I had never thought about before. I see myself as physically strong. I work hard to stay physically healthy and I believe I have endured a good amount of physical pain in my lifetime. I have tattoos, I’ve had three babies — two of which were at home — I did gymnastics the whole first half of my life and I have a lot of scars to prove it. I actually sometimes crave the pain. I know…strange.
Notice the little fingers reaching up. I’m never alone! 🙂
That day, my counselor pointed out that I may see myself as physically strong and my daughter weak, but my daughter may actually be emotionally stronger than me. I can’t suck up my pride enough to say goodnight, but she can. I work hard on staying physically strong, why don’t I work hard on staying emotionally strong as well?
It has been so hard for me to except that I myself am a victim of mental illness, but once I did I started on my track to healing. A co-worker of Matt’s said one-time, “she looks like how I feel”. Matt told me this (with a little extra context) and my response was very defensive. This co-worker had recently been public about his experience with depression. I was so offended. As of a few months prior, I had also worked with him and I knew this person professionally. I walked around like I was strong and confident…NOT DEPRESSED! But ya’ll, he spoke the truth. As much as I don’t want to talk publicly about my internal struggles, I did feel like that, but thought I was portraying a strong, fierce outer layer — only to realize this strong mentality was the thing driving me deeper and more separated from Christ. To pull yourself up by your bootstraps means to succeed or elevate yourself without any outside help. I didn’t need help. I had everything under control… until I didn’t. It soon became too much weight to bear and I started to crack.
Today, looking at my oak tree, I realized that those who are the strongest will fall the hardest if not rooted deeply in Christ. I am strong, but I was strong alone. When I am strong with God and His people only then will I stand tall. We will be broken down by the things of this world. We will be broken down by our pride. We will be consumed with power and be devoured by the chase for recognition of self. King Nebuchadnezzar was consumed with his successes, but eventually it was also what brought him down. Once he realized it, he was humbled by God and restored to his high position.
“At the same time that my sanity was restored, my honor and spender were returned to me for the glory of my kingdom. My advisers and nobles sought me out, and I was restored to my throne and became even greater than before. Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and exalt and glorify the King of heaven, because everything he does is right and all his ways are just. And those who walk in pride he is able to humble,” Daniel 4:36-37.
Every Spring I am reminded of God’s great power and strength; His beauty and dominion; His ability to use any creation to portray His glory in the world! Let that baby make an entrance and show off her might every Spring. All that white oak needs to do is stand tall and God will do the rest.
