Ok ladies! I am just going to say it. Sex in marriage is very important. There I said it. This post may get awkward, I know. I am writing this from my interpretation on the Biblical stance of sex and marriage, so if you aren’t down with that then you can stop reading. YET I still love you, friends. But for real, I have never really explored the purpose for it and then put it under the lens of the Bible. Growing up I was raised in a southern christian home so it was pounded into me that sex is bad! It was a big disservice to me that these Southern Baptist churches left out the “before marriage” part and left out the juicy details of Song of Songs. I wasn’t taught how to have a healthy sexual marriage. It took a while, at the beginning of our marriage, for the guilt I felt before, during and after sex to go away. All those years of hearing it’s bad made a huge imprint in my brain. Also, just talking about it was taboo. I didn’t have an idea how to discuss the intimacy within our marriage with my husband.
“My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh
that lies between my breasts.”
That’s in the Bible friends (Song of Songs 1:13)! This past summer our family saw the purest evil that can come from an uninformed, misguided background education in sex βconsequently resulting in the awful things we hear about surrounding sexual sin. All those terrible feelings I had surrounding sex came back up and I was scared. I had to turn to the Bible in order to see/understand/feel the beauty God created sex to be again!
I am going to speak BODLY here for a minute…I think it is a HUGE disservice to our children (especially our girls) to not talk about the delicacy of sex. I have learned having children brought up in a third world country the importance of dissecting every little thing and teaching the meaning, technique and reason behind any stream of thought. They are taught, well basically told, to memorize everything. It’s called remote learning. Not the remote learning we have developed over the past two years of the pandemic. It is where kids are taught to memorize everything and it’s so unconnected to the root of anything! You see the biggest problems when it comes to math. They memorize how to do a problem without understanding how to get the answer and so they don’t know how to solve the problem with new numbers! Same with us yelling at our kids (which I am completely guilty of), but not explaining why we are yelling at them. In this world, they come out crying and throwing a fit. It’s easy for them to throw a book at you, but we have to teach them why this is wrong. This is the approach we should take with sex education β not the scare tactic. We grow up learning we can’t do it, yet we still do and then when we marry our partner we have no healthy concept of sex. So let’s teach them who created sex (God), why he created it (for intimacy, connection, etc. with our spouse) and why it is unhealthy to do it before marriage. Then they can make an educated decision on how they are going to use this information.
Here is what helped me. I started by fasting and praying about how to overcome this battle. God told me to spend some time in Song of Songs. For a whole week, each morning I sat on my front porch swing reading and day dreaming about my man! I wrote him a letter each day with a couple of verses and some lovers talk…ha! It really opened my soul to the beauty of sex and so I wanted my husband every.single.NIGHT!
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
For your love is better than wine;”
Taken from Song of Songs 1:2. I would write this in my letter and then explain how his lips felt against mine (sorry mom and dad!). The next day we were at Huey’s (thanks to friends who give us gift cards for no reason!), we were sitting outside and I couldn’t stop starring at his eyes and sweet lips!
If this is so foreign to you, try reading Song of Songs together. It is written as a back-n-forth between beloved and lover. It’s all there for you. All you have to do is commit to reading it together and exploring what it is truly meant to be! Just imagine sitting down together and hearing your husband say (from S of S 1:15),
“Behold, you are beautiful, my love;
behold, you are beautiful;
your eyes are doves.”
I mean, come on! Jump on me NOW! Knowing these words are the complete essence of our Father, I am at complete peace reenacting these words…wink wink.
Try it friends and let me know how it goes! I don’t need any details…ha (or maybe I do!) Love y’all!