Hi, I am Kristina and I am nothing.
Can you imagine someone introducing themselves like that?! Not, Hi, I am Kristina and I am an artist or I am an accountant or I am a student — no I am nothing?! What would you even think or say to that? Ok, they must be fishing for a compliment. Has this person lost all self respect? They have been quarantined for way too long by themselves…I don’t know what I would think or say.
So guys, I am not going to lie, I am a results driven person. I spent almost the entirety of my high school life at school. I was at practice before school and after school until I went home for dinner. I had to be the best. I made varsity as a Sophomore (because Freshman, at the time, were not allowed on varsity). One year, my sister pushed me down the stairs at our home and it almost cost me a spot on the mat! Senior year, I was captain of my team. Senior superlatives, I was mad at the entire school for putting me on the ballets for three things, but not getting first in anything (hint: that’s probably why!). My whole life my attitude has been, fight for me, prove yourself worthy, show you can do it even though you are a girl. I am 100% hardest on myself. I fail myself everyday. Last fall, I opened my mouth and expressed my concerns at work, nothing was addressed or fixed so I jumped to a verbal 2-weeks notice and my workplace accepted that as my resignation. The rumor that was leaked around the office was that I gave an ultimatum and to “set an example” the “big guys” had to “make an example out of me”. Instead of correcting the issues in a toxic work environment, the easy route was to say goodbye to the one who was causing all the noise and somehow I was made the bad guy for giving an apparent “ultimatum”. I will never shy away from standing up for myself, my family or for women in the workplace. Although, I still believe I wasn’t in the wrong, I do see I can be quite abrasive when trying to prove a point. I accept what happened because God, I believe wholeheartedly, is telling me to just stop! Stop trying to control everything. He will take care of it. The main takeaway from this period of solace, or respite from a job — whatever you want to call it — is God saying, “IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU!”
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing,” John 15:5.
I want to point out here that the Bible does not say, I AM nothing. You (and I) are something! A whole lot of something to HIM!
“Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith!” Luke 12:27-28.
Rather I can DO nothing apart from him. We are not defined by what we do. We are defined by who we belong to, who we connect ourselves to or with. Being an artist, if you are not connected to the Lord, then you bear nothing. Being an accountant, if you are not connected to the Lord, you bear nothing. BUT! The gospels tell us, no matter what we do, “if a man remains in me and I in him, he (or she) will bear much fruit,” John 15:5.
I am not sure where this chip on my shoulder came from or why I think everyone is out to get me and that I have something to prove. I don’t remember being bullied. I do remember being picked on so maybe today’s verbiage is that I was being bullied. I was picked on for being short and flat chested and the girl who had glasses and braces, but I always welcomed the attention than no attention at all. Maybe this is why I feel the need to stand up for myself. I had the attention and the floor, I just needed to state my case and make it positive. I was a small girl with a blonde-haired bob and glasses. I went to Lost Mountain Middle School in Kennesaw, GA in the 90s. I wore glasses and to over compensate, I remember trying to be cool by cursing a lot?!! I don’t say any curse words now and I would be appalled to hear my middle school student say one. Not sure where that came from! Anyways, I remember being on the playground at recess and playing tether ball. You know, the game where a ball is attached to a rope and people hit it with all their might to swing it at their opponent on the other side of the pole! Who comes up with these things?! I always wanted to prove I was sporty, but my hand-eye coordination was horrible! I hit the ball and my friend hit it back. It came so fast that I froze and the ball (I still remember everything about it being yellow and slightly smooth but hard!) hit me square in the face! My glasses fell off and broke upon impact. I was mortified and I probably yelled, s**t! On another day, I got up from my desk to do something and I set my glasses on the top. Our desks were the old-fashioned desks with a slight slant. I do not remember why I took my glasses off because I am basically blind without them, but when I came back, I had not realized they slipped off into the seat and I sat down breaking them again! Twice in one semester!! Man I was a loser.
Guys, I didn’t grow confident over night. In fact, I don’t know if I ever gained confidence. I am just good at faking it. In junior high school, I didn’t even make the cheerleading team yet I became captain of a National Winning Competitive Cheerleading Squad in high school. Now as a mom, my fifth grader thinks everyone is out to get him. He has a better reason for thinking this than me because probably the majority of people he has met in his life he couldn’t trust, but I am constantly saying, “bud, not everyone is out to get you!” We had a flat tire on our way out of town on vacation. He said, “I bet someone put something in the road to make us have a flat tire!” Guys please hear this, God is not out to get us!
“By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples,” John 15:8.
He is in fact FOR US and not saying we are NOTHING!
“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.” John 15:11.
It is not about me FOR my OWN sake. If I search for what makes me happy, I will never find it. If I search for what makes the Lord happy, my joy will be complete!
It wasn’t until I stopped asking what is my plan in life and started focusing on God’s plan for life that I started to find contentment! Because this means, no matter what I am doing, if I am bringing glory to God, then I am ok! I don’t have a job? No problem! My identity isn’t wrapped up in my job!
If I keep asking the question, “what am I supposed to be doing with my life” or “what is my purpose in life” or always question if I am living in God’s will and looking at what I am DOING for the answer, I will never find it! I feel like Soloman, y’all! My jobs change like my clothing habits! If I ask, “who am I living for” or “who am I connected to” and “what qualities has God given me” then I will always find true joy. I was so worn out from searching for what I was supposed to be doing that I wasn’t seeing the obvious answer right in front of me! The answer is…nothing! I am to do nothing! I am to be a Christ-follwer and exude his love for others. He will do the rest. He will clothe me and comfort me and give me the talents to do the rest. All I am and everything I do, is because of Him. I, alone, can do nothing, but with Him I can do all things (Philippians 4:13).
Friends, I hope this post brings you encouragement. We are not in this alone. If you are without a job or struggling to find purpose in life, please know…YOU HAVE PURPOSE. God brought you here for a purpose! TO love HIM and love OTHERS. Be an advocate for Him and His followers.
Tonight, write down the three things that made you feel inadequate today. Spend a few moments in prayer and hand these over to God. Say, “I commit these things to you, and I know they are from the enemy! Help me know you are for me…so who could be against me?!”
I love you, friends and pray for you tonight as you lift up these prayers to our GOD!
~ Kristina
Hi, my name is Kristina and I am HIS!
