I have learned so much more than just these 5 things, but today this is what I have for you!
#1. As much compassion as I thought I had, it was not enough.
I had a six year career in missions and before that I volunteered at local mission organizations and on global mission trips. I have seen poverty. I have spoken to individuals (who’ve become close friends) about their lives in poverty. I have felt the feels and cried the tears. My first time to Africa, I wanted to bring all the kiddos home and sell everything I had to move back. I quit my job to join a start up non-profit working with underprivileged women in Africa (only to quit that and head back into corporate life). I thought I was a compassionate person, but realized it was situational compassion. I learned it is not a natural feeling for me and learned to control how to conjure up those feelings. I am actually by nature not a very warm and open person.
It is easy to say you want to adopt, but doing it and allowing children you don’t know to come into your home is a whole different ballgame of emotions. I wanted to adopt because I always said I wanted to. That was my reason. Obviously, I believe God convicted my heart to adopt, but I didn’t think much past that. I am a very practical person when it comes to my work, but life in general is a different story…ask Matt. I jump before thinking. I speak before listening. I do before calculating. God told me, so I just always knew I would. The empathetic, warm and fuzzy, even loving piece to all this, for me, is taking a bit more time than I thought. I am taking each day as it comes with growing patience and a continued posture of learning.
#2. Adoption is expensive, expect double what they tell you!
I may not be practical at first, but I do like to plan. I say yes, but then I come back and lay it all out. Maybe because my whole life I have jumped into situations and had to figure out ways to succeed after doing so. In this process, I had spreadsheets. I took the adoption agencies spreadsheets and made my own. We had a budget and I even built in a contingency! I am sure many of you have heard me say this many times and I will continue to tell people this when telling our story…there is no way we could have done this without the provision from God through our family and friends. This adoption cost close to $61,000 and we are still incurring costs from our quarterly home visits and reports.
We worked with a local agency (Bethany), a domestic agency who dealt with Belize (Little Miracles, Inc.) and the international leg of Belize. This doesn’t touch on all the different government agencies stateside and internationally we had to work with and each one wanted their own set of fingerprints! That all adds up — copy of marriage license for a dozen agencies, copies of birth certificates and a notary became our best friend.
I don’t say all this to stop you from thinking of adoption! I believe hands down the Lord will provide! I can show you. I say this so you are aware of it and will reach out for help. I would love to show you my spreadsheets. Ask around for advice. Just realize fundraising is a part of it and lay down your pride and let other people help you do this! Kids get to find a home because you have given others a way to help in the generosity of adoption.
#3. There is so much paperwork!!
SO.MUCH.PAPERWORK. One of my gifts is administration. Actually my top ranked gift is administration, but for me it was still so much. Learn to be organized — it may not be a gifting of yours, but learn it. If you rush to get it done on the front end, I will tell you from experience, it will add more time to the backend. Take your time and double/triple check everything. Don’t be ahead of the game! Things move very slow. Do things when you are told to and do not work ahead…you overachievers! Again, reach out for help because there are people who have done this before. I am offering my guidance, though I am still learning as well. There are procedures in place, just go with it.
#4. Nothing happens on time. There is no projected timeline.
When you are waiting on many moving pieces and each step is contingent on the step before, nothing happens on time. AND that isn’t even the biggest hindrance, rather life is! Hurricanes, summer government closures and vacation schedules, CORONA. My point here is, you really need to go into the process of adoption with patience, flexibility and grace. I got so upset at incompetent people that stood in my way of bringing my kids home. Y’all adoption is a God ordained thing. If I am lacking grace in the process for myself and others then where is God in it?
We started the process in May of 2017 and brought the kids home in November of 2019. We are still not finalized yet.
#5. Kids are resilient!
AND finally! I can not believe how well the kids are handling this whole thing — our biological kids and adopted kids. I was so worried about how this would affect our birth kids. How would Charlee handle going from being the oldest to a middle child? Would Mia even understand? How is Levi going to handle sharing his toys? There are real things to consider and work through (sometimes not as simple as sharing toys!). We communicated often with our small kids prior to the adoption and walked through each step with them verbally. I protected the little ones to a fault upon bringing the big kids home. Yes, they threw tantrums and would pick fights with each other, but they jumped in from day one with more love and openness than I had. They play so well and are so independent of me and Matt now because they have each other. I am the one with most of the issues!
This is hard. The whole thing was/is unpredictable and unreliable. The waiting will break you down. The financial burdens will cause life-changing habits.
BUT I say all of this to say…SO WHAT.
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do,” Ephesians 2:10.
Who can argue with fate or an ordained path or God just saying GO?! For those of you who aren’t believers, you can still look at all the need and act on the call of responsibility to step in. The positives will eventually outweigh the negatives. If more people would stop thinking and just do (ha!) we could get these kiddos a home!!